Gays Want These Shorts

I recently saw this cover for Rolling Stone featuring Rihanna and thought two things. 1. When did Rihanna become Sideshow Bob? 2. Where can I get those shorts? (preferably in bronze, goes better with my complexion) 

I, like many beginning gays love the smooth melodies and confusing nationality of Rihanna, but in the hopes of becoming a better gay have learned that her music is so 2009. The most forward thinking gays are listening to Robyn and are loving every moment of it. I am sad to say farewell to gurl, but will always remember...those lovely shorts. I seriously want them. 

...oh well, Tomorrow's A New Gay

Gays Meet Their Neighbors

I was doing laundry this evening when a strange girl approached me in the laundry room. At first I was frightened because she was wearing a "Life is Good" t-shirt, and it was clear she never met a bag of Lay's she didn't like. I thought what would a better gay do? Give her a chance of course. I mean it was a dark room and no one was around, it couldn't hurt my image that much. Its not as if I was out in public at a Lowes Theater or something.

After talking for a few moments it was clear that she wanted to be friends. Immediately I thought hell to the no. I'm trying to improve myself as a gay, I need to be hanging out with the cool neighbors, the ones who read Redbook and shovel the sidewalk. I then thought about what a better gay would do and decided that in the event I start light my apartment on fire I will need her to save me. In the spirit of improving myself we are not friends.

On the plus side she's studying to become a librarian...sexy. If I were 30 years older and 60% straighter this would be a completely different post.

...oh well, Tomorrow's A New Gay

Gays Don't Wait for Packages

Today I came home and found a sultry note from UPS, quote "Your written authorization is required to leave package." At first I was upset that I had missed the delivery of the uber chic sweater I had ordered. Once again I had failed at being a better gay. I was just about to dive into my fourth Twinkie (the food for once) when I realized, gays don't wait for packages.

Every delivery I had every witnessed to a gay, they had never waited for their package. I remember one time I saw a FedEx man try to deliver a package to a gay and failed. The whole time the sneaky gay was peeping through the second floor window mocking the delivery man and his civilian attempt at delivering a package to a better gay. Gays don't wait for anyone, they have everyone wait for them and then make a dramatic entrance.

For tomorrow I will wait in my apartment and watch the delivery man try to give me my package. I will then mock him to myself and close friends and discuss how unflattering it must be to wear one color all the time...gross. I finally better understand how gays deal with package delivery, I am well on my way to being a better gay. But one thing, how do gays get their sweaters then?

...oh well, Tomorrow's A New Gay