Today I came home and found a sultry note from UPS, quote "Your written authorization is required to leave package." At first I was upset that I had missed the delivery of the uber chic sweater I had ordered. Once again I had failed at being a better gay. I was just about to dive into my fourth Twinkie (the food for once) when I realized, gays don't wait for packages.
Every delivery I had every witnessed to a gay, they had never waited for their package. I remember one time I saw a FedEx man try to deliver a package to a gay and failed. The whole time the sneaky gay was peeping through the second floor window mocking the delivery man and his civilian attempt at delivering a package to a better gay. Gays don't wait for anyone, they have everyone wait for them and then make a dramatic entrance.
For tomorrow I will wait in my apartment and watch the delivery man try to give me my package. I will then mock him to myself and close friends and discuss how unflattering it must be to wear one color all the time...gross. I finally better understand how gays deal with package delivery, I am well on my way to being a better gay. But one thing, how do gays get their sweaters then?
...oh well, Tomorrow's A New Gay
No comments:
Post a Comment